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116 lines
5.7 KiB
116 lines
5.7 KiB
<h3>Synopsis by Dan Wood (danwood@pobox.com)</h3>
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<p>
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In a futuristic city, a taxi cruiser spirals its way to the top of a very,
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very tall building. It lands on the 17,000th floor. Its oviparous
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occupant steps out and enters the office of Dr. I.Q. Hi, Secretary of the
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Stratosphere.
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<p>
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The duck meets Dr. Hi and the two immediately begin ascending on a small
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platform. Dr. Hi explains that the reason he has summoned his guest is
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that the world's supply of Alludium Phosdex (the shaving cream atom) is
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"alarmingly low." It seems that the only remaining source is on Planet X,
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in a region marked "unknown" as Dr. Hi points out on the rather large wall
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map.
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<p>
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The duck asserts his confidence in retrieving the material, because
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"There's no one knows his way around outer space like.... DUCK DODGERS IN
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THE 24-1/2TH CENTURY!" Dodgers accidentally falls from the platform,
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plunging several hundred feet, but miraculously survives the accident.
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<p>
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Dodgers uses an evaporator to get to the airport's launch platform, where
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his ship and his first mate, a pig that Dodgers describes as an "eager
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young space cadet," await. Dodgers launches the ship, after one false
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start in which he accidentally plunged his vessel into the ground.
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<p>
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On board, Dodgers explains the navigational techniques he will use to find
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the planet to his number one, who appears to have a better understanding of
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navigational techniques than his superior officer, though his stuttering
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demeanor gets in the way of simple communication. The pig then suggests an
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alternate method of navigation to Planet X (by following the trail of
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Planet A, Planet B, Planet C, and so on) to Dodgers, who dismisses the idea
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at first, but then claims the idea for his own, much to the chagrin of the
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space cadet.
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<p>
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After weaving its way past Planets R, S, T, U, V, and W, the ship finally
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lands on Planet X. The ship is marked by a large "X" shape across its
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surface (presumably a continent) but also bears the "X" mark in several
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monoliths, presumably the markings of a long-dead civilization of millenia
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past. Immediately upon landing, Dodgers pulls out a flag of the Earth
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Alliance and proclaims "I claim this planet in the name of the Earth!"
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<p>
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Unfortunately, Dodgers's plans are immediately thwarted when another ship,
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christened the Martian Maggot, lands nearby. Its occupant scrambles out
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and, within meters of Dodgers, claims the planet in the name of Mars.
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<p>
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Needless to say, a conflict develops between the two representatives of
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their governments. Dodgers claims that the planet simply isn't "big enough
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for the two of us." The Martian responds by pointing a disintegrator
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pistol at Dodgers, who believes he is immune because he is wearing a
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disintegrator-proof vest. Answering a dare, the Martian fires upon
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Dodgers. Ironically, the vest <em>itself</em> turns out to be
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disintegrator-proof; Dodgers, unfortunately, falls into a crumble on the
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ground. The vest follows shortly thereafter.
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<p>
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Fortunately, the space cadet -- and technology -- save the day, thanks to
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an Acme Integrating pistol. Dodgers, fully reconstituted, continues his
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territorial challenge upon the alien and threatens him with his own brand
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of disintegrating pistol. Unfortunately, the pistol itself disintegrates
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when he attempts to fire upon his opponent. The Martian fires upon Dodgers
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several times and misses, subsequently chasing Dodgers into his own ship.
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<p>
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In an attempt to deceive the martian, the first officer creates a ruse:
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pretend to give the Martian a birthday present, assuming that the
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extraterrestrial will be ignorant of explosives. The Martian gladly
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accepts the gift, a stick of dynamite with a very short fuse, and is caught
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in the explosion. Only his helmet saves him from certain death. The
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alien, visibly shortened by the effects of the blast, limps back to his own
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ship to attend to his injuries.
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<p>
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Meanwhile, Dodgers is furious at the Martian's resolve. He sends an
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ultimatum, using an ultimatum dispatcher which behaves much like a gun, but
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delivers a written message: "Surrender, or be blown into 17,670,002
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micro-cells." The martian responds with an ultimatum answerer, which
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functions much like the dispatcher, only it releases a destructive charge,
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presumably refusing the terms of the ultimatum.
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<p>
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Not ready to give up, Dodgers decides to conduct espionage upon his
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counterpart by using the "Super Video Detecto Set" installed in his ship.
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The advanced state of technology he uses backfires on him, however, because
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it enables the Martian to fire upon Dodgers <em>via the video screen.</em>
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This is the last straw for the protaganist.
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<p>
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In a final act of desperation, Dodgers decides to completely annihilate his
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enemy by utilizing his secret weapon, manufactured by the Acme Destructo
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Company. He launches a line which casts a dangerous net over his
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opponent's ship. Unknown beknownst to either of the Earth ships occupants,
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the alien launches a similar weapon of his own immediately thereafter. The
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tension mounts as both aliens prepare to destroy their enemy. A tremendous
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blast is seen and heard; evidently, both systems were set off at the exact
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moment.
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<p>
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The effect is nothing short of devastating. The smoke clears to reveal
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Dodgers and the Martian, face to face, standing on the only remaining chunk
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of Planet X, measuring less than a meter across. Dodgers reiterates his
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claim that the planet is not big enough for the two of them, and
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unceremoniously pushes the alien over the edge.
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<p>
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As the camera's aperature narrows, it pans down to reveal Dodger's number
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one, barely hanging on to some root-like material still attached to the
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miniscule remains of the planet. The martian, precariously hanging onto
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the first mate, looks on as the pig proclaims, with a slight stutter, "Big
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Deal."
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